To everything . . .

Here are some changes I've noticed lately. I am not sure how I feel about any or all of them.

1. I have changed my address. That was a biggie and has wrecked absolute havoc in our lives. For now. I think this one is good. Right now is it just overwhelming and hard.

2. My daughters are changing--a lot--and really fast. Maren is taller than I am and Hollis is close on her heels. They are musicians and swimmers and readers and writers. It is all great, but just doesn't seem right. I live in the moment, but why does it seem like Maren should still be a three foot tall tow-headed toddler with a ready giggle and sparkling blue eyes? I can't even go further there because it is too too painful. Almost unbearable.

3. I changed my mind about locks of hair. I never kept them when the older kids got hair cuts--I mean it seemed pretty dumb. Who wants old pieces of hair all over the place--yuck. But Maeve just got her first haircut (yep--over three years and no haircut). The gal said, "Do you want to keep some?" I looked at her quizzically and said, "No. . . Yes. Yes I do, please." I then got sick to my stomach as she was cutting Maeve's hair and couldn't watch. What was up with that? Sick to my stomach?! It is a haircut for crying in a bucket!

4. I changed my mind about professional painters. They are AWESOME. Painting, much like lawyering, is something you just shouldn't do on your own. Hire the professionals and let them do the work for you. Wowee.

Then there are things that my fickle mind just cannot sort out, no matter how hard it tries.

1. What shall I do about potty-training my three-year-old? I don't really know. I know the others eventually were potty-trained (some more quickly than others) but I can't quite seem to figure out how. And part of me doesn't care. (Yikes.) Because, though the diaper thing is gross, she is my baby. I can't have haircuts and say farewell forever to diapers all in the same week. Come on. That is asking too much.

2. What shall I do about graduating in April? That means I have to figure out a job and I am at a complete (almost) loss. I know, it seems that lawyering would be the thing to do, but you haven't tried lawyering. You don't know the misery that is the work of first year associates. I have had two summers of it and hated almost every minute. What I want is something that lets me be a mom again. I mean I am a mom, but not the same mom I was two years ago--see there's that change thing again.

3. I have a birthday coming up this week and I honest to goodness cannot ever remember how old I am. Honest. It takes me subtracting my birth year from 2010 to get it figured out. I think I'm 36, then I get confused and I'm just 35, or is it 37 because I'm suddenly too old for more babies or am I already creeping up on 38? I'm pretty sure it ain't 34--been there and done that . . . I think . . .